What is wrong with Women?

Saturday I went to a homeschool convention in our area put on by the Arkansas Education Alliance. It was the first year they had put one on in our area so it was kind of small but I really enjoyed it. The Key note speaker was Todd Wilson who runs Familyman Ministries. He was speaking on a book he had written titled "Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe". For the most part he was funny but what he had to say was so true.

At one point he said something that was so sad though. He asked the question "What percent of women, do you think, feel that they are doing a good job homeschooling?" Several replies where given; 40 percent, 10 percent, 1 percent. After listening to the answers he said softly and seriously, "Zero percent." Then he went on to admit that it wasn't a scientific survey but rather just based on the answers he was given as he went from place to place talking to homeschooling families and asking homeschooling mothers how they were doing.

I think, based on my own life and the lives of some of my friends, that he is right. I am the only woman left in my circle of previously homeschooling friends that is still doing it. When you boil it down, they all quit for the same reason. They didn't feel capable. There has never been a time when I have sat down to plan out a school year, or even as I am in the middle of one, that I haven't felt inadequate. In a way its a good thing because it keeps me on my knees but it leaves me with such self doubt. If I wasn't absolutely sure that the Lord wanted this for my children I probably would have quit a long time ago too.

I think that it goes past the homeschooling issue though. I think that it is an attitude that women just have in general. My mother, who has managed one office or another for the past 20 years had to fire someone a few years back. When she had finished telling us about it my husband jokingly said "Boy, your harsh," because my mother hadn't let her finish the day out. For the rest of the day Mom sat around second guessing herself. She was even asking me if I thought she had done the right thing and I've never managed an office. What do I know about it? I think women tend to be like that even when they are pretending that they aren't.

A few days ago my husband commented on what a wonderful wife I was and how lucky he was to have me. Rather than smiling nicely, feeling proud, and saying thank you. I said "If only you knew the truth you wouldn't say that." He rather indignantly replied "What do you mean?" i.e. How dare you insult my wife! In trying to explain I turned to Prov. 31 thinking When he hears this he will plainly see that I don't match the standard. When I finished his answer was "So? I don't hear anything there that you don't meet."

At the time my thought was that he can't see the truth because he sees me with his heart and not his eyes. But now I wonder if I'm not the one who is at least partially blind. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not perfect. Not by a long shot. But there is a growing belief within me that I'm not getting the full picture.

I picked up "Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe" and have started reading it. While it was directed toward homeschoolers I believe that there is a lot there that is good to hear for women in general. Sometimes we are so willing to be deceived; so willing to believe the lie. Do we forget who we are? We are daughters of the King, ambassadors for His cause. There is nothing that He calls us to do that we can't achieve with his help.

We need to stop measuring our weaknesses against other peoples strengths and get on with what He has called us to do. If He has called us, He will equip us. If He has put us there then we are the best person for the job, whether we believe it or not. We need to start believing it. I am the one the Lord has put here in this place. I am exactly the wife my husband needs, exactly the mother and teacher my children need, exactly the clerk and Sunday School teacher my church needs because the Lord has put me in those positions.

Now, I can allow Satan to spoon feed me a pack of lies; I can believe every sentence he spews out of his deceiving mouth and become so bound up by his deceitfulness that I am unusable by God. OR I can get up off my duff and prayfully be about the business the Lord has given me.

Am I going to be perfect? No! On the other hand if I could be perfect, what would I need with a Savior? He knows I can't be perfect. What I can be is usable. I can be what God intended me to be, even if I can't fully understand His purpose. He knows what He is doing. Out of all the people in the world that He could have placed here, I'm the one He chose. It's the same for you. Think about that. If you really think about it, it will blow your mind. You didn't just happen to be where you are. Out of the 6,602,224,175 people in the world you were the one, the only one, that He chose to put where you are. No one else, just you.

We have a purpose, an important job. The Lord saw the need and placed us where we are to fill it. The scary part is that there is no back up plan. The Lord chooses to use people. We either fulfill our purpose or we don't, the choice is ours. Today I choose with the Lord's help to fulfill mine.